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Does the use of sex toys ruin relationships?

A recent article from RealtorMag broached the question of whether or not the use of sex toys by one partner damages their relationship with the other. Of course, there's no simple answer, because, unlike some issues where the data (or lack thereof) is clear, people are too complex to draw a hard and fast conclusion.

My girlfriend uses a sex toy after we are done.

What does it mean? She says she is extremely turned on that's why I don't buy it.

Let's start with the good news: your girlfriend is not cheating on you. She's just using a sex toy, something that's more and more common these days.

But how do you deal with it?

First of all, try to relax. Chances are that your girlfriend is not cheating on you — despite all the jokes about vibrators and infidelity floating around, there is no scientific evidence that using a sex toy can lead to infidelity or break up a relationship. Both men and women who use sex toys are generally happier in their relationships than those who don't, according to a 2015 survey by sex toy retailer Lovehoney.

And if she needs something extra to get off when she's alone? That's okay too! It doesn't mean she doesn't find you attractive anymore or that her libido has somehow vanished from the face of this earth. She probably just wants some variety or maybe even wants to try something new without having to explain herself.

If your girlfriend is using this as an excuse to cheat on you, however — well then, that would be another story altogether!

Should I buy my wife a dildo that’s the same size as me or bigger?

I'd say it all depends on the woman.

My missus had never been with a large guy so I ordered her the mega 2″ sleeve from Lovehoney.

After the 3rd time I figured out how to build her up to the size, and she absolutely loved it (1st attempt I just went for it straight away so she didn't last long)

One thing I will say is if you do go for bigger, and she likes it, DO NOT let her enjoyment get to you.

My missus is on another noise and orgasms level with the sleeve on. I felt crap about 1st time but then got over it lol

I just found my wife's sex toy that I knew NOTHING about.

What should I do? I just found my wife's sex toy that I knew NOTHING about. We only have sex about once every two weeks and she turns me down every time I try and NOW I find a sex toy. What should I do?

The fact that you're asking this question means that you're in a state of shock. You're not sure what to think or how to feel. You're confused, angry, hurt, and probably very sad.

When a partner is unfaithful, it's natural for the betrayed partner to question everything about their relationship. This is true whether the affair was physical or emotional (or both).

How long has your wife been using this sex toy? Has she ever used it with you? Is it something she prefers over you or does she use it because you don't satisfy her needs? If it's the latter, she needs counseling because there's no reason to try and fix a marriage that isn't working if one partner isn't willing to put in any effort at all.

If your wife has been using this sex toy for years and never used it with you then there could be some serious issues with your relationship that need addressing before deciding whether or not to stay together.

It sounds like you have some serious decisions ahead of you but I think it's important to remember that even though these things happen; they don't have to ruin our relationships if we take them as opportunities for growth.

Now, let's not jump to conclusions here.

Maybe she's been watching videos on how to better please you by improving her oral skills.

Maybe she wants to see if overfullness feels as good as the stories she's been reading say it does.

Maybe she's been trying out some different natural dildos - eggplant, aubergine.

Buy her a 10-inch dildo and use it on her. Don't let her do this on her own. Once you see that huge dildo going in and out of her warm, juicy pussy and she's getting into it, stick a finger in her ass. Time your thrusts together and eventually increase them to 2 or even 3 fingers. Make them deeper so that when you take them out and slide your 7-inch finger into her ass, she will feel really good.

Are you okay with your wife using sex toys when you are not around?

In a recent survey of 1,000 people by Lovehoney, which sells adult products and is one of Britain’s biggest eCommerce sites for sex toys, 61 percent said they are happy for their partners to use sex toys when they are not around. 22 percent said they would prefer their partner to use a toy than cheat on them.

It wasn’t all good news for the sex toy industry though, as the same survey showed that almost half of men would rather their girlfriend or wife didn’t use vibrators or dildos at all — 44 percent were against it in any circumstance. However, most men were happy for their partner to use other kinds of vibrators or dildos.

Women were more open-minded though: only 14 percent would object if their partner used a vibrator or dildo and an even smaller number — 8 percent — would object if he used a masturbator instead.

What sex fantasies do the wives have when their husband uses a dildo on them?

A recent study found that 25 percent of women looking for a vibrator online have husbands who use sex toys on them.

The study was led by Dr. Elizabeth Morgan, a clinical sexologist and psychologist from the University of Missouri, who is studying the impact of women's use of sex toys in their relationships. She found that there is no significant difference between those who use them and those who don't in terms of marital satisfaction, relationship length, or whether they had been married before.

"In general, I think it's good for couples to be open with each other about what turns them on," she told The Huffington Post. "People often feel like they need to hide what gets them excited because they're afraid it will hurt their partner's feelings."

Do I tell my husband before I buy a sex toy or after, or should I hide it from him?

I don't think you need to hide it if you're not comfortable talking about it. But I do think you should talk to him first. That's not because I think he'll be angry or upset, but because he might want a say in the matter.

You say your husband is "always tired and stressed" but that he has no interest in sex. That's a pretty big problem for most couples, and it's best to address it head-on rather than ignoring it and hoping it will go away on its own. So have a conversation with him about what's going on, why he's so tired, etc., and see if there are any ways you can help each other deal with things better.

You also say that "we both work full-time jobs, so we hardly get any time together." That's another problem that needs fixing! If you're working full-time jobs AND each has young kids at home (which sounds like), then something has got to give -- either cut back on your hours at work or find someone who can watch the kids so you can spend more time together as a couple.

Final words

In the end, whether or not sex toys ruin relationships entirely depends on your particular situation. Some couples find a way to incorporate toys into their relationships in a positive way. And, at the same time, there are couples for whom this would just be one more thing to break them apart. Hopefully, though, this gives you some idea of the best and worst-case scenarios to expect if you think about purchasing these items for yourself or your partner.

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